I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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