I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
