Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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