i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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