I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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