he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
