i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Someone signed my nipple.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize