i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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