I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
