no, he came in my armpit
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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