It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
