He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
