ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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