I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize