I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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