how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
