anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I believe in your delicious
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
