I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Less talking, more tequila
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
