Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
