I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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