With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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