The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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