he wants to bone in the snuggie
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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