Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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