Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
