I just threw up on my dentist
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
