Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
