Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
