you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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