she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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