hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
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