She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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