Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
