You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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