apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
