You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
