I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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