My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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