i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
