so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize