I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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