Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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