Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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