why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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