I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
