white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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