You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
