Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
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