You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
