There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I love you. Go after that dick
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
