I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
