I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
