I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize