In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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