after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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