In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize