Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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