Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he shaved USA in his pubs
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
