The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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