We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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