So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
