great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize