I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
