Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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