I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize