Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
