i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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