Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
