I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
