what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
