Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
