Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
