I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
