the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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