New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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