i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i think i just lost a toe
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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