I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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