This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
