I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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