You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
