There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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