I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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