you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
