So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
