I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
