Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
