How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize