they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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