It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
