plz talk dirty to me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
