Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
