Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
