It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
