We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
