Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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