Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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