i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
