One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
