Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
