She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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