hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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