Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
