alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
