Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
