im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
