some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
