I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
