chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
