Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I AM VODKA MAN
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
