I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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