I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my sisters under your porch take her home
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
