Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
