weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
